This is the car I own, but can’t drive… I’ll have my license soon enough.
Close your eyes and open your heart. This is how you fall in love
It’s easy to let four syllables fall straight from my mouth. The first one is for me and what I feel in the moment, every moment that I’ve seen. The next one has four letters it’s denotation is only literal, it’s connotation much more. The last is for every feeling that stirs me up, that keeps me on my toes, that makes me better without changing me. The last one is you. Satisfying, simple, saint-like you.
I think that there is an issue with how fucked we are entering this world. We’re forced to live among many we can’t stand and some of those people are related to you. Then you have to worry about the mobs of people who will never know you and either feel nothing for you or hate you anyway.
Unfortunately we become beings who develop feelings. I’m not one in particular who is full of emotion, but should people really cry when a relationship is over? I understand being overwhelmed, but to let yourself fall apart like that is astounding. I’ve never cried over someone, the exception being that someone died. That is to me the only reason you should cry; When you lose something or someone you loved, but when I say lose I mean you’re never getting that back. I see people I’ve had relationships with all the time and I’m fine, because that person is still going to be alive and maybe we’ll get back together, maybe not, but you’re not dead yet so I’m good.
So Friday my brother got arrested for riding the train for free and I don’t want to come off as an asshole, but who the fuck is dumb enough to ride the blue line for free with the knowledge that police check for tickets? You’re a pro if you can ride that train free everyday. There is now a hold on his release because he went A- WOL. So now he has to wait for the military to pick him up and take him to base and sentence him. He’s awesome, right? Don’t let my loose tongue fool you I love my brother, he just makes really dicey moves.
What do any of these things have to do with each other? For starters, much like this blog entry life is at least messy, uber unorganized, and random with a touch of finesse. I just gave you what’s happened in my life in just these passes two weeks, from the death of a loved one, the parting a relationship, and the incarceration of a missed sibling. March is working up to be a month of wonders.
I spent a really crazy amount of time on YouTube. And what I discovered was one of two things the first being there is a darker spectrum to the Tube, and I figured that out while surfing babies. The second is that I am now a fan of the Beaver Bunch Channel. I watch 3 of the 5 people featured on the channel. I watch Lori, Michelle, and Kade. They are awesome. Michelle is super mature, funny, shy, and thought provoking. Lori is a ray of sunshine with no shade, she’s random and focused, enthusiastic, has a great smile, and positive. Kade is a man who keeps it short, sweet, and to the point. He doesn’t really sugar coat anything. This is just something I happened to stumble across. It’s really nice.
The terrible feeling that you get when you ride a rollercoaster and the carts are reaching the top and you know that it’s about to fall that’s how I feel when I’m breaking up with someone. When it’s over I realize how clear hindsight really is. I wonder if just being myself is enough, will it ever be enough. I know it wasn’t just me who was in the relationship, but is it natural to feel like it was your fault? I don’t know. That is the only thing that makes me regret starting a relationship anew because if you don’t begin something there can’t be an end.
And in the car crash of emotions that is my life I have given in to another relationship. He name is Cheyenne. She is one of the most beautiful girls I’ve seen let alone dated. I met her at my job about a month and some change ago. We’ve gone on 13 dates since then and I like her a lot. Wish me luck.
Unfortunately got me my mother has the inherent ability to make a good day a thousand times worse. If I don’t hear my phone ring I’m scolded through the house phone. If I don’t know what she’s talking about, I ask useless. If I don’t do something fast enough she’ll do it with a terrible attitude. She drives me nuts. It amazes me that when she needs something she is the nicest person ok the world. I just don’t get it. What do you want from me? She told me to get a job, I got one. She suggested finishing my education I’m doing that. What more do want? I pay you rent, groceries, and I put gas in your car. It would just seth like you’d back the fuck off at least a little.
I am now legitimately employed (it’s still probationary) and I’m ok with it. I have 2 other side gigs. Side gig 1 is teaching my neighbors kid how to play guitar (she’s so cute, I call her Izzy). Side gig 2 is teaching one of my other neighbor’s grandkid to comprehend math. My actually job is being a fast food slinger.
I have never been more trolled than when I worked the practice register at work today. Any other job I had I was never dealing with money directly, I only dealt with people. However, now I have to do both. I hope I get stuck either cleaning or making fries. These are two jobs that don’t require terribly too much of me.
I like that how on top of all this I will be going to school or at least trying to. All these different ways I’m accumulating income are eating up all of my free time. I barely sleep and it might possibly get worse, but I function on stress, so we’ll see how this goes.